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How to make first sex great sex - sexuality


The heat is on. You can plainly feel it arcing amid you. Whether it's an appealing stranger you've just met or a distinctive a big name you've been bit by bit in receipt of to know, you're aware that now is the time to take your association to the bodily level. You can sense that she's about ready to hop into bed and you damn well know that you are. So how do you make this first time with a big name new a glorious jiffy you'll both affectionately consider fairly than a nightmare you'd just as soon forget?

The first thing to zero in on is attitude. What closely is it you want from this appearance sexual bump into -- a lusty one night romp or the activation of a longstanding passionate relationship?

There definitely is nil wrong with a one-night stand. There is a bit exceptionally exciting about sex with a stranger, with completely no strings attached. Many women feel this way, not only men. What we all have to be cautious about is cleanly using the other person, treating them as an balk only for our satisfaction.

No one likes being treated as an object. No one likes being used for a big cheese else's purpose. Men typically use women as sex objects. But just as often women treat men as accomplishment objects. What does it mean to treat a being as an object? It means you use that character to get what you want devoid of detail connect with to what happens to them or how they feel. At one excessive you would not even care if you in point of fact cause harm. More habitually harm is not intended, but the well being of the character you are using is of hardly or no affect to you. What is of affect to you is to get what you want, which in this case is sex.

When you want sex and you do no matter which compulsory to get it you are using the woman as a sex object. You may lie and or else be devious about what is especially going on. You may pretend to care or be engrossed in her, but all you especially want is to get laid. After you get what you want, you die out and she never hears from you again. You don't call. You may not even say hello on the street. You may feel contempt or disgust for her for having had sex with you. But this is especially a disguised form of self-contempt and self-hatred projected onto women. It is very unhealthy and in the long run will leave you alone, lonely, bitter and cynical. This is only just a prescription for happiness.

Quick sex connecting consenting adults is not about using each other as an object, presumptuous both of you appreciate what is happening, and no dishonesty is involved. We call this scenario "no-strings sex. " With no-strings sex, both parties be au fait with that it is not calculated that you will ever see each other again. You do not argument addresses or phones or not public histories. This location ranks high on the list of most communal fantasy for both men and women. The sex may be exceptionally hot and passionate. Both lovers may feel an extraordinary choice and be disposed to let go completely, reducing their usual sexual coyness and restraint. Often they will experimentation with and allow themselves to enjoy what they would only dream of doing, but never allow themselves to do with a big cheese they knew or were in an ongoing bond with. They may conduct test with clothes they did not even dream were possible.

There are only two rules for no-strings sex. They are very clean rules.

Rule #1: Mutual consent for the lot is mandatory. By "mutual consent" we mean that all aspects of your lovemaking are contracted to by both. You meet as one on the sexual in performance field as equals. No one gets physically hurt. When your partner says "I don't want to do that" or "stop, that hurts" you must stop instantly. This is where "no" constantly means no.

Rule #2: Don't try to find her later!

The other type of first time come upon is with a big shot with whom you be going to to have an ongoing relationship. We will call this scenario "relationship sex. " With association sex, it is unspoken by both of you that there may be an ongoing association after the sex. In fact, it would be quite average for association sex to take place after you have been considering each other for some time. In this scenario sex is not the start of the relationship, but a deepening of it. It is also quite conventional for a association to start with a sexual encounter. If the sex rocks the earth, or even if it is just appealing good, you may want to go added into connection to see if you can attach on other critical levels and make a bit work as one in the longer run. This could evolve into breathing as one or even marriage.

The first rule for no-strings sex also applies to connection sex. 1. Mutual consent for the whole lot is mandatory. In accumulation to this rule there are a few others to keep in mind. 2. Great admiration is mandatory. 3. Great caring is mandatory. 4. Open, frank consultation is mandatory. 5. Calmness is used as required, and brusqueness is used as mutually desired.

The Rules

1. Mutual consent for all is mandatory. If you do not both enjoy it, what is the point? Remember, we are not using each other, we are loving each other. It is emphatically all right for one partner to try equipment for the reason that the other character likes it even if they don't, but this is a gift to all comers given and cannot be required.

2. Great acknowledge is mandatory. Acknowledge implies that you are aware of what the other character wants. You are agreeable to detect what they are able of and what their sexual restrictions are. Your lover may have been injured expressively or emotionally from past relationships. In fact this will just about definitely be the case, about each one has had their heart cracked at least once. At the extreme, they may have qualified sexual abuse as a child. They may feel insecure about their sexuality. They may bear from low self-esteem as a lover. They may be quite inexperienced in sexual technique. You must be awfully serene and ever so easily upset to the communication they send out about how fast to proceed, what to do and not do. Talk openly to create the boundaries of your sexuality. Then experimentation to push back the boundaries at a pace you can both find comfortable and safe.

3. Great caring is mandatory. Love is continually given and acknowledged as a gift. It has been said that there is no such thing as bad sex, that sex exclusive of love can still be great sex, but sex with caring adds a affection that connects two hearts and souls together. This is sex away from technique. Sex with caring plants the lovers filled. Sex with love grass the lovers overflowing. It is caring that moves sex afar the corporal to allow for the conception of a deeper spiritual connection. Most men want an emotional association and most would appreciated a more spiritual encounter of sex, but they are scared and they just haven't cultured how to do it yet. Most women quite frankly, call for the emotional bond as the price of entry.

4. Gentleness is used as required, and bumpiness is used as mutually desired. With mutual consent whatever thing goes. But it is commonly best to start out with more lightness and develop to more bumpiness only as you learn that she wants it and likes it. Many women like a bouncy ambiguity as long as they feels truly safe. But if you have not reputable a high gradation of trust with her, bumpiness prematurely can end what could have been an admirable long-term sexually passionate relationship.

5. Open, frank consultation is mandatory. Talk about sex. Tell each other what you like and dislike. A good way to do this is to continually offer choices A and B and ask which she likes best. This avoids the harm to fragile egos that young men are so prone to when they are erudition about a new lover. If a man hears, "I don't like that" it is very easy for him to have his feelings hurt and this may cause him to withdraw, or get angry, or react in some dysfunctional way. But if you give your women, for example, the amount connecting fondling her breasts this way, or this way, and ask which is best, you will not have your feelings hurt, and you will at once learn what she especially likes. This is how a lover becomes a great lover.

If you need to have your head stimulated to know what to try, read any of quite a few great lover's manuals free in good bookstores everywhere. Then use the A-or-B performance to find out about your woman specifically. Here are a few titles to look for. You can order these from our web site if you can't find them in your local bookstore.

"Soul Sex: Tantra for Two", by Pala Copeland and Al Link
"The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers" by Margo Anand
"How to Make Love All Night (And Drive a Woman Wild: Male Numerous Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking)" by Barbary Keesling
"The New Male Sexuality" by Bernie Zilbergeld
"How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation" by Helen Lead singer Kaplan

Once you've honestly measured your approach you can move into the corporal aspects of loving: like the setting, foreplay, afterplay and all the juicy bits in between. In the East there is a long tradition of the fighter lover - a man who has equipped himself physically, emotionally and mentally for the great and glorious campaign amid the sheets. This is not for dominating or defeating your lover but for capably bringing out the best in both of you so you can rise to new heights in your sexuality.

The idea of creating the right ambience for lovemaking may seem fake or calculated, but there is an art to great loving and why not bring out the dancer in yourself? A quiet place, candlelight, music, wine, food and clean sheets may sound like a trite scene from an old James Bond movie but they still hold true. Women love to be highly thought of and creating a exclusive place for loving shows that you care about what they want too.

It has befall collective data that foreplay is very central in bringing a woman to sexual satisfaction. She takes longer to develop into aroused to the point where she can match you in intensity of desire. But what is also central is afterplay. When you've come to a happy culmination don't just roll over and go to sleep or get up and go home. Even despite the fact that your hormones may be illuminating you you're finished, your lover won't be. Take the time and make the crack to show your appreciation and caring all the way through some tender cuddling and soft words or by division some food and conversation. You'll charity performance too from staying in love's sweet afterglow.

Finally, it shouldn't have to be said but it still does, always, constantly carry out safe sex. Use condoms and dental dams until you are a variety of you're in a entirely monogamous bond and you've both had AIDS tests. Bring to mind good first time sex with a big shot means no one gets hurt, at some stage in loving or afterwards.

Al Link and Pala Copeland own and carry out 4 Freedoms Connection Tantra. They evenly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations about the planet. For more in sequence call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 Intercontinental long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www. tantra-sex. com/ or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving. com Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is available by New Page Books, 2003.


Human Sexuality Uncovered | Health  Williston Daily Herald

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