Sexuality informational articles

Sex & the definite gay guy - sexuality



"To have sex or not to have sex, that is the question. " While it's definitely central to have a beneficial sexuality when you're single, how you negotiate your sexual actions as a gay man if you're on a "boyfriend hunt" can certainly have an bearing on plateful or hurting your cause. Have you ever gone out on a date that seemingly went exceedingly well to then be downright baffled when the guy doesn't ever call you again after you've slept together? Or what if you're in-between relationships, what role does sex play in your life? What do you do if that hot guy asks you back to his place after your first meeting? Are one-night stands ok?

These questions keep on at the front of every lone gay man's mind as he embarks out into the dating world, and they can be quite controversial topics for argument among gay circles. The bed line is that there are no dedicated rules or right/wrong answers to these questions necessarily; our sexuality is our own conscientiousness and we have delicate abundance in terms of how we choose to convey this part of ourselves. But those exclusive choices you make about sex can have implications for connection achievement if your critical goal is to find your life partner, and this commentary will attend to some of those factors and offer suggestions for navigating all through those tricky decision-making processes.

Gay Sexual Development

As a consequence of being raised in a homophobic society, most gay men as part of their advance denied and/or barely audible their sexual feelings for other men out of shame and the need for acceptance and safety. As adolescents, most gay men missed out on accomplishing the developmental tasks of edifice dating skills and exploring their sexualities. Upon "coming out" to oneself, sex tends to take on a great consequence and emphasis. After years of oppression and stuffing their sexual feelings, it is customary for gay men of any age to come across a "delayed adolescence" as they conduct test sexually with other men on a casual basis, exploring who they are and important a new individuality as sexual gay men. These dynamics can change, however, the more comfortable one becomes with his sexual character and crystallizes a more solid sense of self. For many men at this point, sexual needs develop into blended with a aspiration for emotional intimacy, a little that can only be gained over time in the background of a loving relationship, not because of a quick fling with a guy who was just met at the bar. Each scenario is purposeful, and neither ought to be judged as beat or worse. What is chief is a detection of who you are, what you want, and aligning your activities with that awareness so there's equivalence concerning your principles and your actions.

Sex Vs. Love

What it all boils down to is honestly acknowledging to manually what your priorities and crucial goals are. Basically stated, what's more central to you at this detail point in time in your life, emotional involvement or sexual gratification? Emotional involvement is determined by a need for familiarity and connection, achievable commitment, a common set of values, interests, attitudes, and goals, and is characterized by the forming of an attachment where both men can risk being vulnerable and show their "true selves. " Sexual enjoyment implies recreational sexual announcement that can be no-strings fun with a lack of expectations for something of any depth clear of this. Be honest! Your key to that cast doubt on will be your guide to the kinds of choices you make that will allow you to live with sexual integrity.

Things To Keep In Mind

If you decide to have casual sex?

Sex Changes Everything: Appreciate that once you have sex, the dynamics will never be the same with your lover. Closeness can't be rushed and is built over time; early sex can help clarify sexual compatibility on some level (although don't underestimate the fact that sex can get hotter as a bond ages), but it can put the kebosh on confidence for the reason that the connection is deep-seated in sex and no other foundation has been able to be established. Don't bamboozle sex with love. While there are some one-night stands that have lead to long-term relationships, they are commonly in the minority.

Practice Brute & Emotional Safe Sex: All knows of the meaning of condoms and other safe sex practices to help guard aligned with the transmission of sexual diseases (please play safely!), but safe sex also involves emotional integrity and honesty. Both men must be on the same page going into a sexual come across to avoid hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and disappointment. Be up front and direct with your needs and intentions and make sure you both have the same expectations. Set clear boundaries and be in contact these, even if it "kills the mood. " If it's chastely a sexual thing and you don't plan on maintaining acquaintance again, courteously say so and don't barter figures if you certainly don't plan on subsequent all through and insertion a call.

Determine Your Sexual Motives: Seems like a alien question, but why are you having sex? How does your sexual conduct brunt your exploration for Mr. Right?

Exercise: Classify the reasons you have faith in that you have sex. This will help assist you in assessing whether your sexual routine are beneficial or self-defeating and then you can begin mounting "battle strategies" for overcoming those reasons that may be dejection your true happiness. Here are a few customary purposes underlying sexual expression: "I have sex?"

___ to cope with frustration and for stress relief

___ to overcome isolation ___ to cope with boredom

___ to become more intense self-esteem ___ for pleasure and fun

___ as I've given up on difficult to find a boyfriend

___ to cope with failing and shame for being gay

___ as a form of autonomy & independence, the basic expression

of being gay

___ to avoid intimacy

___ other

Too much casual sex can every so often harden a being to the point where sex becomes impersonal and he can then befit detached from his feelings at some stage in lovemaking, even when he doesn't want to be disengaged. You may wish to consult with a psychotherapist or coach on any of the above if you become aware of a archetype of sexually addictive or licentious conduct that you've been incapable to manage.

If you decide to refrain from sex initially?

Prepare for Love:Make the most of your singlehood by increasing a ability to see for your life and expectations association so you're ready for it when it comes. Arise a dating plan and categorize your negotiable and non-negotiable needs that you want to have for a fulfilling affiliation with Mr. Right. Casual sex can steer you away from existing this apparition and you can begin attracting the wrong type of men, not to allusion harm you "image. " Know who you are and what you stand for!

Stabilize Your Libido: Most dating coaches agree that it's best to hold off on having sex until you especially know the guy you're dating first. This way you'll be able to agree on if you're comfortable with this character to risk being vulnerable. Additionally, by not sleeping with him right away, his chronic pursuit of you increases the probability that you're maturing romance is predicated more on actual activity in you and not just sex. If the sexual chemistry persists even after this, it's also apt that this attraction is more than just lust. In the interim, meet your sexual needs in other ways (eg. self-pleasuring, fantasy, etc. ), as challenging and unrealistic as it may be at times.

Pacing: "Pacing" refers to the art of compelling effects gradually and with conscious intent. You be in the driver's seat and proceed with your dating connection at a speed that you're comfortable with and that is in alignment with your vision. Remember, collective happiness and morals are the bolster that help sustain relationships, not sex. Go slow.


Balancing head, heart, and libido is a very challenging task when you're free and dating, but the rewards are great if you live congruently with your morals and principles you've set for yourself. Admit the power that your choices have in influencing the command of your life. In closing, some bonus questions that might be beneficial as you added brood over this topic are:

* What role does sex play in my description and flow life situation?

* Am I especially looking for a bond or am I at ease with "cruising" for the time being?

* Does having sex distract me from my goal of discovery my life partner?

* How do I feel about for my part after sex?

2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

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Brian Rzepczynski, Practiced Own Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to construct a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting alliance with Mr. Right. " To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter packed with dating and association tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out in progress schooling groups, programs, and teleclasses, choose visit http://www. TheGayLoveCoach. com

Please also comprise with the condition the words Copyright and importantly demonstrate a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any comment would be dear and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach. com. Thank you!

Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's amount in Common Work from Western Michigan Academia and is also a Proficient Own Life Coach all through The Coach Instruction Alliance. He launched his clandestine instruction attempt in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, concerning mounting skills for civilizing their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has caring articles, tips, resources, and an assistance editorial connected to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the self-help book "A Guide to Receiving It: Aim & Passion" in print in May 2005. Visit his website at www. TheGayLoveCoach. com


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